My name is Craptastic Funkadelica. The name actually originates from Yugoslavia, but you cannot call me Crap Funk for short. I like fine wine and biscuits. Particularly Lambrini and Jammy Dodgers. Yes, I do have expensive taste, but I'm all about the finer things in life. Because I'm fucking worth it.

I often masturbate but if you'd like to take over, I'm all ears. In case that was too obtuse, I WANT YOU TO WANK ME OFF. (Whilst I look at my favourite signed picture of Les Dennis.) My favourite position is the "wank off" position, where I lay down, and YOU WANK ME OFF. REPEATEDLY.